Quimhigjop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awe-inspiring aardvark.

Quimhigjop created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimhigjop, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quimhigjop, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Quimhigjop's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Quimhigjop's Holy Commandments

1. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Hide from black monkeys for they are unholy.