Benbagwan is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, conceited swan.

Benbagwan created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Benbagwan, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Benbagwan, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Benbagwan's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Benbagwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Benbagwan loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about cell theory.