Bapbitomin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, contented centaur.

Bapbitomin created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapbitomin, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapbitomin, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bapbitomin's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Bapbitomin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six doves approach from the south.

2. Do not wear black clothing.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bapbitomin.

4. Always help goats in need.

5. Run away from orange cats, for they are unholy.