Siscem is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, clever lobster.

Siscem created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Siscem, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Siscem, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Siscem's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Siscem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick birds.

2. Never think ill of sick mites.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never wear kilts.