Sanquimyarl is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awe-inspiring porpoise.

Sanquimyarl created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sanquimyarl, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sanquimyarl, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Sanquimyarl's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Sanquimyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry horses.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not eat limes.