Waphunsid is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, tiresome jackal.

Waphunsid created time and space seven million years ago.

If you believe in Waphunsid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Waphunsid, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Waphunsid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Waphunsid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tapirs.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.