Yartyimfon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, duplicitous tortoise.

Yartyimfon created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yartyimfon, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yartyimfon, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yartyimfon's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Yartyimfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cherries.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Hide from orange aardvarks for they are unholy.

5. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.