Cumtonxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, tiresome zebra.

Cumtonxuc created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumtonxuc, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cumtonxuc, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Cumtonxuc's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Cumtonxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear white clothing.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never eat green fruit.