Pan is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, happy spider.

Pan created a strange quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pan, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Pan, she will send you a sign.

Pan's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Pan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill foxes.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Hide from gray hamsters for they are unholy.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.