Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, idiotic dove.

Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Kapcubmit Jarnlinzod's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never feed strawberries to mice while wearing magenta scarves.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.