Nilcartal is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, caring walrus.

Nilcartal created the Milkyway two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilcartal, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nilcartal, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nilcartal's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Nilcartal's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink doves for they are unholy.

2. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Always wear black.