Podkabnel is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, contented crab.

Podkabnel created vertebrates four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podkabnel, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Podkabnel, he will turn you into a snail.

Podkabnel's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Podkabnel's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always look after injured doves.

4. Worship no other gods but Podkabnel.

5. Always take life seriously.