Dossnilxen Hugquammig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, amazing faun.

Dossnilxen Hugquammig created the cosmos five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossnilxen Hugquammig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dossnilxen Hugquammig, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dossnilxen Hugquammig's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Dossnilxen Hugquammig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not speak about bananas.