Hiv Dambellwik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, intelligent dog.

Hiv Dambellwik created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hiv Dambellwik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hiv Dambellwik, he will torture you forever.

Hiv Dambellwik's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Hiv Dambellwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed cucumbers to bats while wearing orange jumpers.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Hiv Dambellwik loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.