Tabladkim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, fast tapir.

Tabladkim created the solar system two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabladkim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tabladkim, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tabladkim's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Tabladkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Feed all hungry monkeys.

3. Hide if eight voles approach from the north.

4. Do not take Tabladkim's name in vain.

5. Do not shave your face.