Vonkjapfon Minlenhak is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witty yak.

Vonkjapfon Minlenhak created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkjapfon Minlenhak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vonkjapfon Minlenhak, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Vonkjapfon Minlenhak's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Vonkjapfon Minlenhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near snails.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

4. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

5. Do not wear copper on your body.