Stanstafsom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered clam.

Stanstafsom created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanstafsom, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Stanstafsom, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Stanstafsom's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Stanstafsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mites.

2. Never talk about moths.

3. Never run in the presence of foxes.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Stanstafsom on top of all buildings.

5. Never look at asteroids.