Flabarmpad is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, able hippopotamus.

Flabarmpad created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabarmpad, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flabarmpad, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Flabarmpad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flabarmpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Always help cats.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shave your face.