Kemkadquimtip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic pig.

Kemkadquimtip created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Kemkadquimtip, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kemkadquimtip, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Kemkadquimtip's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Kemkadquimtip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never feed bananas to pigs while wearing mauve rings.

5. Never skip in holy places.