Hitsatkar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable parrot.

Hitsatkar created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Hitsatkar, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hitsatkar, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hitsatkar's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Hitsatkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away if seven cats approach from the north.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must love Hitsatkar.