Ligarmlam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, humorless slug.

Ligarmlam created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ligarmlam, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ligarmlam, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Ligarmlam's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Ligarmlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Erect seven tin sculptures of Ligarmlam on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always stare at clouds.