Hitkarkam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid cow.

Hitkarkam created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitkarkam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hitkarkam, it will jump up and down on your head.

Hitkarkam's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hitkarkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed cucumbers to turtles while wearing pink corsets.

5. Always stare at clouds.