Stafquimfen is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, two-faced bat.

Stafquimfen created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafquimfen, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Stafquimfen, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Stafquimfen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Stafquimfen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always stare at clouds.