Cuntalingpomyarppon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witty shrew.

Cuntalingpomyarppon created the Sombrero Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cuntalingpomyarppon, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cuntalingpomyarppon, he will remove you from existence.

Cuntalingpomyarppon's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Cuntalingpomyarppon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. You must pray to Cuntalingpomyarppon five times a day.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cuntalingpomyarppon.

4. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

5. Always help capybaras.