Jonditcin is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unthoughtful dog.

Jonditcin created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonditcin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jonditcin, he will turn you into a frog.

Jonditcin's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Jonditcin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured dolphins.

2. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never run in the presence of snails.