Dapben is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, smart meerkat.

Dapben created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dapben, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Dapben, it will boil you in a big pot.

Dapben's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Dapben's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Dapben loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

5. Do not take Dapben's name in vain.