Futkapfig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, pitiless wombat.

Futkapfig created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Futkapfig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Futkapfig, he will ignore you.

Futkapfig's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Futkapfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed corn to swans while wearing red boots.

2. Futkapfig loves dogs, so they must be respected.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not eat onions.