Hugmatarm is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unthoughtful swallow.

Hugmatarm created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugmatarm, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hugmatarm, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hugmatarm's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Hugmatarm's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Put Hugmatarm first in all things.

5. Never talk about fire.