Gofquatdognur is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless chinchilla.

Gofquatdognur created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofquatdognur, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gofquatdognur, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gofquatdognur's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gofquatdognur's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Retreat if eight goats approach from the east.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Put Gofquatdognur first in all things.