Xinnulzim is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, sage gorilla.

Xinnulzim created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Xinnulzim, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Xinnulzim, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Xinnulzim's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Xinnulzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always look after injured cats.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Feed all hungry shrews.