Quaghomarm Zogjonzak is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, pitiless monkey.

Quaghomarm Zogjonzak created an atom four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaghomarm Zogjonzak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quaghomarm Zogjonzak, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Quaghomarm Zogjonzak's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Quaghomarm Zogjonzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Feed all hungry rats.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never pour water over plants.