Padpagjam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind guinea pig.

Padpagjam created a bottom quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padpagjam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Padpagjam, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Padpagjam's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Padpagjam's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Padpagjam.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.