Gonnurtquim is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, tiresome bird.

Gonnurtquim created the Black Eye Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonnurtquim, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gonnurtquim, it will ignore you.

Gonnurtquim's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Gonnurtquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.