Vonkpomsom is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, weak walrus.

Vonkpomsom created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkpomsom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vonkpomsom, she will turn you into a slug.

Vonkpomsom's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Vonkpomsom's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry ants.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Do not kill swans.

5. Never wear trousers.