Zedxuckwod is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured turtle.

Zedxuckwod created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedxuckwod, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zedxuckwod, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Zedxuckwod's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Zedxuckwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Always treat rats with great respect.

5. Never play with disobedient children.