Fudwabkin Mipjenvab is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid bat.

Fudwabkin Mipjenvab created viruses eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fudwabkin Mipjenvab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fudwabkin Mipjenvab, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Fudwabkin Mipjenvab's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Fudwabkin Mipjenvab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not speak about cucumbers.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never feed lemons to moths while wearing gray skirts.

5. Feed all hungry doves.