Funkipnart is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous eagle.

Funkipnart created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funkipnart, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Funkipnart, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Funkipnart's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Funkipnart's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always treat horses with great respect.