Baffosslun is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, awe-inspiring gorilla.

Baffosslun created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Baffosslun, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Baffosslun, she will turn you into a goat.

Baffosslun's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Baffosslun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Always stare at clouds.