Bonmidnuttonkyattzen is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, capable human.

Bonmidnuttonkyattzen created the Small Magellanic Cloud two million years ago.

If you believe in Bonmidnuttonkyattzen, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonmidnuttonkyattzen, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bonmidnuttonkyattzen's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Bonmidnuttonkyattzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest turquoise.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bonmidnuttonkyattzen.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Run away from red cats, for they are unholy.