Gutmapkik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, prudent coyote.

Gutmapkik created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutmapkik, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gutmapkik, she will turn you into a dog.

Gutmapkik's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Gutmapkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Run away from fawn dogs, for they are unholy.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Never eat garlic.

5. You must pray to Gutmapkik eight times a day.