Gutbetjam Hungamtit is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, self-assured dolphin.

Gutbetjam Hungamtit created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutbetjam Hungamtit, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gutbetjam Hungamtit, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gutbetjam Hungamtit's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Gutbetjam Hungamtit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from cyan tapirs for they are unholy.

2. You must love Gutbetjam Hungamtit.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Never eat green fruit.