Hasgardut is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, kind zebra.

Hasgardut created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Hasgardut, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hasgardut, she will turn you into a slug.

Hasgardut's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Hasgardut's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Hasgardut on top of all buildings.

2. Never feed apples to great tits while wearing pink shirts.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hasgardut.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never sing in the presence of rats.