Lapzakyik is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unselfish turtle.

Lapzakyik created silver six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapzakyik, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lapzakyik, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Lapzakyik's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lapzakyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. You must love Lapzakyik.