Bastnuttal is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, capable meerkat.

Bastnuttal created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastnuttal, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bastnuttal, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bastnuttal's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bastnuttal's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.