Gubyamjon is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, witty guinea pig.

Gubyamjon created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gubyamjon, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gubyamjon, it will turn you into a rock.

Gubyamjon's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Gubyamjon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never go into indigo rooms.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Do not make images of living things.