Hogkonfet is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, loving elephant.

Hogkonfet created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogkonfet, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hogkonfet, it will throw large rocks at you.

Hogkonfet's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Hogkonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shorts.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.