Kanvaddum is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, duplicitous faun.

Kanvaddum created an up quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanvaddum, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kanvaddum, she will turn you into a snail.

Kanvaddum's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kanvaddum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never wear ear rings.

3. Do not dye your hair violet.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Put Kanvaddum first in all things.