Lopflaghab is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, generous bear.

Lopflaghab created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Lopflaghab, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lopflaghab, it will turn you into a sheep.

Lopflaghab's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Lopflaghab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair green.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Lopflaghab.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

5. Horses are not to be trusted.