Konquagpop is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, able ferret.

Konquagpop created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Konquagpop, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Konquagpop, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Konquagpop's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Konquagpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

3. Always help sick otters.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.