Gilstafpak is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, humane jaguar.

Gilstafpak created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gilstafpak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gilstafpak, he will be very unhappy.

Gilstafpak's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Gilstafpak's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. Always treat gulls with great respect.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not speak about nuts.